You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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