My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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