We won't sleep together?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
