Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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