how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
