I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize