You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
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U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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