At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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