if i can run in heels then i can drive
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
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