i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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