so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
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it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
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I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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