My room smells like vodka and shame
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
