It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
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On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
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doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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