I think I am morally bankrupt
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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