I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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