Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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