Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
