This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
