i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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