bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
