forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
