Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
