After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
It's just like the Real World with babies
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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