Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
