I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
