Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
