The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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