Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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