the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Randomize
