Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
How external is "for external use only"?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
