She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
