She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
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