my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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