You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
