it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
