put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You're like the curious george of whores
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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