I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
