I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
