I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
