It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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