I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
