dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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