I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
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I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
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Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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