It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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