I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
