Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Sorry about my life...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
