i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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