She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
