so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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