Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
