Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
