I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
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i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
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But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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