When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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