...so i touched it.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
