Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
