Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
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I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
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This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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