if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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