guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Acid is not a monday night drug
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
