HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
