can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
