tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
