i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
