moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
