So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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