I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Come see our sink grown plant.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
