Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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