She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
It's like God shit irony all over that family
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
